The Beginning...

So I thought in order to properly start our birth story, I have to take you back to the very beginning of this journey.

August 26, 2019: The Worst Day of My Life

Just four days shy of my 24th birthday, I heard The worst words in my life: “We can not find the baby.” I had thought I was pregnant for a little while. I had taken a few pregnancy tests and I was convinced by now. I made an appointment with my OB to see how far along I was. Based off the tests, I would be about 7 weeks. I was excited but extremely nervous as they brought the ultrasound machine in. Picture the moment in the movies where the doctor says “Let’s take a look at your baby,” but then there’s complete silence once the ultrasound probe is on your stomach. Yea, well that was my gut wrenching reality. My OB turned on the ultrasound machine and put the very cold probe to my stomach. She looked and looked, but said that even though I had a gestational sac (where the baby forms before the amniotic sac is big enough), they could not find the baby. My world crashed. In a quiet voice she said “I am so sorry but despite having a gestational sac, I cannot find your baby. This is usually the case with a chemical abortion; commonly known as a miscarriage.” My husband was excited and nervous to find out what the doctor said. That evening, I couldn’t break his heart, so I told him that the test results showed I wasn’t pregnant. I thought That would be the best route to take. Was I wrong. The next day I came clean and told him the truth. That night I sat on our couch crying for hours as he held me. I never knew I could feel so much loss for something or someone I had never met before.