August 26th was by far the worst day of my life. I spent weeks in a deep depressive state. I drank and cried way more than I should have. I never thought I could feel so much loss for someone I had never met. I kept waiting for God to show me a sign that things would get better. My husband prayed a lot for God to heal my suffering.
September 17th, 2019: It Is Just Hormones
I was sitting on my couch with my best friend telling her how I had not been feeling well and that I just felt like I was getting worse after the miscarriage, instead of better. How even though I should have not been feeling nauseous anymore, I still was. I was gaining weight instead of losing it (which I figured was from the alcohol and crappy food). I knew something wasn’t right, but I assumed it was just the hormones from the miscarriage. She asked me if I was sure it was my hormones or if I was pregnant again. I said that I thought it was just the hormones. There was no way I could be pregnant again; hell we weren’t even trying the first time. I still had a pregnancy test at home and I thought I would take it just to ease my mind. ten minutes later I emerged from the bathroom with a dumbfounded look on my face and a little white stick that showed a very bold and definite “YES +” on it. My naiveness led me to still assume it was just my hormones from the miscarriage. Little did I know.